I woke up groggy this morning, totally socked by Tess’ changing schedule (her decision, not ours). As I tried to find something civilized enough for the office, I realized the outfit I’d selected was magically already cover in spit-up – in unfortunate locations, no less. I spot cleaned, grabbed my stuff and shot out the door.
At the office, my rhythm’s coming back full-force. My two days of work flew by this week, and I’m working on some really cool, meaningful projects. I’m re-inspired by what we do, which is great as I was hoping for a recharge. I really am okay being a working mom.
I had these fantasies about maternity leave: strolling through the sunny park with a sleeping baby, working out every day and ending up in better shape than before the baby came, singing daily and getting back into form as an opera singer, cooking lots of healthy meals, daily coffee with friends, a gentle fatigue…pretty much a giant pipe dream built on a lack of logic. The reality is a steady lack of sleep that makes me wonder if I’m sick every morning, a quick turn around the block with a screaming Tess and a confused Stella the dog at the witching hour (only thing that will console the inconsolable – all 3 of us!), workouts and singing have halted completely for financial/time/energy reasons, eating sometimes quality yet often whatever’s at hand, seeing few people due to Tess’ fragility and a constant sense of lifeblur. Can you believe Tess is almost 5 months old? I wouldn’t miss a second of it, but I am laughing at the glowy, relaxing picture I had in mind. What I did get right is how amazing it feels to hold Tess and have her snuggle into me, to make her laugh and to just be her mom. It really is that awesome.
So if today is a snippet of what my life will be, I’m a pretty happy camper. Challenging work, family-oriented schedule, healthy food as much as possible, fitting the gym back in – these are my goals for the next few months. As overwhelming as being a parent can be, it’s also brought me the balance I craved. Those walks in the park will come, as will sleep at some point. Getting back to the gym routine will increase my energy level and suddenly
I’ll catch myself singing around the house (which will magically get finished, at least the part we’re living in) and suddenly our new life map will seem like it’s the baseline that we’ve always experienced. Love!
Tess was pretty much back to her normal self today. She ate more, slept more, rolled over for her dad, and behaved like a champ when we grabbed a quick dinner on Buckley’s patio, aka slept almost the whole time. She makes the funniest fake cry we’ve ever heard, and we’re dying to get it on the record! I’ll keep you posted.