Talking About Adoption

FUC: frequently unasked-for criticisms

This made us laugh, and when this is us — feel free to remind us that we found this funny in a cringe-worthy way!

These are not meant to offend; more to inform. Take them lightly, in the nature of the offering. Some of them are just regular parental issues – it’s a sign we’re graduating. Andy, great idea!

Don’t tell us about medical conditions you’ve decided Tess may have unless you’re a concerned medical professional.

Don’t share horrific adoption stories. We’ve all heard them. Just remember there are just as many horrific biological stories. Menendez brothers, anyone?

Yes, Tess sounds hungry and constipated all day every day. Yes, we remembered to feed her and change her diaper. No, I’m not going to feed her again right now. Yes, there’s a reason.

Yes, she’s small. Seriously?! I don’t mean, “tiny Titan” jokes or “oooh, she’s so teeny and cute!” comments. We eat those up. We’re talking doubtful,”maybe you don’t really realize how small she is…”

The bilingual upbringing is happening. I don’t care whether you think French is the best choice or not; especially if you’re monolingual and think there are “better” and “worse” languages in the world in terms of practicality. How we pick our nanny falls under this category: yes, language is most important to us – Dave included. It’s my soapbox but he’s propping me up there. The comments about how this is ridiculous and we won’t keep it up for our other kids? You clearly don’t realize how stubborn we are or how much thought and effort has gone into this. 9% of Americans are fluently bilingual; 53% of the rest of the world is.

Tess is her name. If we wanted her middle name to be her first, we would’ve told them that for the birth certificate. Your suggestions about alternatives are quite offensive considering we spent 2 years picking it. No, we will never find those ‘jokes’ funny. We’ll respect the names you gave your kids. Please do the same for us.

Opinions about how our parental leave affects our jobs/careers make us uncomfortable. That’s between us and our managers. We’re both doing fine at work, and are doing everything possible to surpass expectations.

Everyone has a favorite/hated doctor/hospital. Please respect our choices. Recommends are great; running down the professionals/programs we picked with care, not so much.

In the last few months, I’ve overheard a number of eye-rolling conversations mocking new moms, about how “we did it too, you know.” I do know. I know moms who have many children, live in foreign countries, go through a divorce, work, run marathons, home school, you name it. These moms inspire me, teach me and show me it can be done. That doesn’t change the fact that my baby won’t sleep and I’m tired. Just let it go.

4 thoughts on “Talking About Adoption

  1. Dear parents of Tess, I have been reading your blogg and have been looking at the wonderful fotos of your baby since she was born. Tess birthgrandgrandmother and I have been friends since we were 5 years old. I have known her birthgrandmother since she was a baby.I dont know Kat , only from fotos. I was så chocked about the adoption but now I am så happy that you and your husband are taking care of Tess. I can not imagine better parents.I did not know about open adoptions and I admire you that you chosed that way. I am looking at your blogg every evening and it makes me så happy.Every day I send you and your daughter best wishes yours Helga E

  2. I LOVE this. Brilliant! This way, if you are particularly bugged, you can just direct the person to the FU See?

  3. As Katerina’s aunt I would just like to say thank you for the privilege if seeing Tess grow. I can see that she has gotten a terrific set of loving parents. As long as you write I will read and enjoy the happiness of Tess. Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son and may next year be even more filled with love, joy and happiness

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