Our first lasts and an unsettling first

As we joyously welcomed Tess and Remy into our family, everything was about firsts: the first birth, child, diaper, solids, playground visit, snow, first non-preemie, first girl, first boy…and now – so soon! – our first last. We’re in all likelihood picking our last boy’s name, or our last baby name.

I’ve heard moms talk about ‘lasts’, about how a little piece of yourself keens for those parenting clean slates. The many repetitions of those small joys stretch out before us right now, and yet they won’t forever.

What I knew already is how dramatically I love each of our kids, and I’m confident I’ll love our next just as much! Tess is the first child and girl, Remy has the first boy spot, and this one will be our baby boy forever, I suspect. As miraculous as all of Tess and Remy’s firsts have been, Dave and I will both be sensitive to the poignancy of some lasts as we soak up every second of babydom.

We’re renting a condo in the Tampa area for most of October, and will be driving (gasp!) down there, as renting a car for three weeks that fits all of us and our stuff on top of plane tickets makes no sense. This way we get to pop in on the preachers in training in Nashville and show Flamine a number of states! I’m sure the memories will last a really long time. We are so, so excited right now that it’s making it hard to think straight! The nursery is fully loaded and primed, the stroller and car seat logistics have been hashed out, and we’re even planning the feeding schedule in our minds. Another week until we head south. An eternity! 🙂

In addition to first lasts, we’re also experiencing an unfun first. S, this baby’s mom, may be having second thoughts. I can’t imagine being a birthmom, and am not surprised that choosing adoption is difficult. If she chooses to parent, we will of course wish her the best. Still, we’re kind of on tenterhooks! We’ve been preparing the kids for a new sibling, and lining up an au pair who’s prepared to help us with three little ones. Maternity leave is set up and my projects have been postponed so I can enjoy my time with this little guy. Yet none of that may matter.

All we can do is hope for the best outcome for everyone. We still believe this is the match for us, and will be in Florida hoping and waiting. S seems incredible, and we’d love to see this match through and have her and this boy in our lives. We’ll see if we come back with a son or with sadness. Our goal is to focus on Tess and Remy and how wonderful they make our life! That way Florida will be fun one way or the other.

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