Mother’s Day is tomorrow, and as excited as I am to see my kids on Mother’s Day (last year Remy didn’t exist and I had a cold, so couldn’t go to the NICU to see Tess), I’m also amazed at how our relationships with our birth moms have grown in the last year/few months. These women chose us as parents for their children, and honor us with their continued friendship and dedication to our kids’ well being.
I often emphasize how incapable I am of putting myself in a birth mom’s shoes. Every adoption decision is unique, and each birth mom – ours and every other birth mom in the world – comes to that decision from a place of confusion, sadness, worry, love and loss. As we get ready to celebrate motherhood, those of us fortunate enough to be chosen as adoptive parents celebrate these
first mothers who granted us motherhood and chose a different life for their children than the one they could provide. We’re often asked,
But why?! Why did they choose adoption? What was wrong?
It’s just not that simple to answer, and we can’t ever know the whole story. Wrong means so little in the complication of a rough situation, of being overwhelmed at the needs of older children, making ends meet, getting enough time to grow up before becoming a parent or not wanting to be a parent at all. I choose to believe an adoption plan comes from everything lining up right. These moms are every inch the thoughtful, caring, protective parents we strive to be every day.
Wonderful relationships can come from a place of love and sadness. After all, my future marriage to David didn’t occur to me as a possibility as I struggled with divorce overseas. Our failed pregnancies prepared us for adopting these kids, these two who are the pure joy and entertainment at the center of our hearts.
So on the Saturday before Mother’s Day, we thank our birth mothers for choosing us, for choosing adoption, and letting us be Tess and Remy’s parents. We hope you both feel at peace with your decisions, and want you to know we speak of you like family and with great respect. Our amazing kids remind us of you, and we’re delighted to know that Tess has Kat’s curly hair and is growing tall like Spencer; that Remy has K’s eyes and easy demeanor. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for filling those hearts with love. And happy, happy Birth Mother’s Day, however bittersweet it may be.