This morning we walked into the NICU and walked right into our two favorite charge nurses! It was like the sun came out. 🙂 When Tess needed a new IV again, Denise popped it in in 5 minutes. Not only were we watching her, her guardian angel team (funny, snarky angels!) was right there, too. So Tess’ day was great, and so was ours.
We had brunch at a great new spot with live music (thanks Sean and Paula!). Dave and Max got guy time while Tess and I kangarooed, and then we drove up to Park City in a blizzard! A light rain in Murray can apparently pick up quite suddenly when heading up. Trucks were sliding across the highway, and the rig drivers just parked in the middle of the road, where their trucks wouldn’t go any further. In Park City, we checked out the Wasatch Brewery, a photography shop (where the artist doesn’t use any photoshop – cool to see but pretentious) and the High West Distillery for dinner. Awesome food and company!
I feel like we’re tentatively returning to the routine we had before Tess got sick. Whether or not she gets sick again while in the hospital, I don’t think we’ll ever forget this Easter. It’s not as easy to walk out the NICU door now, confident that she’ll be happy and healthy when we get back do the following cares. Still, life goes on. Right now, she is happy and healthy again. I’m worried about the stupid IVs, but aside from that our kid’s back.
A lot of you said this is parenthood – that we’ll have to get used to it, because the worry will shifts topics but won’t go away. I believe you. I had the realization today that we are parents forever; Tess will never be gone from our minds, whatever we or she are doing. That’s not a bad thing, but Sarah’s line about walking around with your heart outside your body suddenly clicked. We can be having fun in the mountains but part of me is still focused on those bright eyes looking up at us from the isolette. Love expands and multiplies – Max described it as being in a lake that becomes an ocean. I can see that too. It’s like someone opened a door into a part of my mind and heart I didn’t even know was there. Tess makes me a better person. I see the world differently because it’s hers – it’s the one she’ll be walking around in.
We’re past the first month, the PDA, the infection – and as the scrabbling panic turns into baby smiles, cuddles and plans for the future, our mindset is changing. The beauty of baby limbo is we know we’ll come out the other side!
So we’re enjoying her health, and daydreaming about the someday. I guess the good part about only being a third of the way through the journey is that daydreaming has no pressure to it. I’m starting to understand how crazy eager to leave we may get when that end is actually in sight, but for now those eyes in my head and thoughts of home inspired by Max’s presence are pretty satisfying.
So for all of you who are following the home game, Tess is back to slow and steady progress. She’s feisty, getting ready to start eating from a bottle a few weeks down the road, and getting bigger little by little. That frustration you feel about not knowing more? We feelÂ it too. There’s no more to it than to wait. Thanks for waiting with us. 🙂