Day 31

This morning we walked into the NICU and walked right into our two favorite charge nurses! It was like the sun came out. 🙂 When Tess needed a new IV again, Denise popped it in in 5 minutes. Not only were we watching her, her guardian angel team (funny, snarky angels!) was right there, too. So Tess’ day was great, and so was ours.

We had brunch at a great new spot with live music (thanks Sean and Paula!). Dave and Max got guy time while Tess and I kangarooed, and then we drove up to Park City in a blizzard! A light rain in Murray can apparently pick up quite suddenly when heading up. Trucks were sliding across the highway, and the rig drivers just parked in the middle of the road, where their trucks wouldn’t go any further. In Park City, we checked out the Wasatch Brewery, a photography shop (where the artist doesn’t use any photoshop – cool to see but pretentious) and the High West Distillery for dinner. Awesome food and company!

I feel like we’re tentatively returning to the routine we had before Tess got sick. Whether or not she gets sick again while in the hospital, I don’t think we’ll ever forget this Easter. It’s not as easy to walk out the NICU door now, confident that she’ll be happy and healthy when we get back do the following cares. Still, life goes on. Right now, she is happy and healthy again. I’m worried about the stupid IVs, but aside from that our kid’s back.

A lot of you said this is parenthood – that we’ll have to get used to it, because the worry will shifts topics but won’t go away. I believe you. I had the realization today that we are parents forever; Tess will never be gone from our minds, whatever we or she are doing. That’s not a bad thing, but Sarah’s line about walking around with your heart outside your body suddenly clicked. We can be having fun in the mountains but part of me is still focused on those bright eyes looking up at us from the isolette. Love expands and multiplies – Max described it as being in a lake that becomes an ocean. I can see that too. It’s like someone opened a door into a part of my mind and heart I didn’t even know was there. Tess makes me a better person. I see the world differently because it’s hers – it’s the one she’ll be walking around in.

We’re past the first month, the PDA, the infection – and as the scrabbling panic turns into baby smiles, cuddles and plans for the future, our mindset is changing. The beauty of baby limbo is we know we’ll come out the other side!

So we’re enjoying her health, and daydreaming about the someday. I guess the good part about only being a third of the way through the journey is that daydreaming has no pressure to it. I’m starting to understand how crazy eager to leave we may get when that end is actually in sight, but for now those eyes in my head and thoughts of home inspired by Max’s presence are pretty satisfying.

So for all of you who are following the home game, Tess is back to slow and steady progress. She’s feisty, getting ready to start eating from a bottle a few weeks down the road, and getting bigger little by little. That frustration you feel about not knowing more? We feel it too. There’s no more to it than to wait. Thanks for waiting with us. 🙂

4 thoughts on “Day 31

  1. Good Morning Tess, Maggey and Dave,
    I´ve wrote someting yesterday, but it wasn´t postet. Anyway …..
    I wanted to know, if you understand, when I´m talking about you can hold and touch Tess in your mind where ever you are and she will feel it. Rose Oplinger did write this too.
    Do you want me to tell more about it, or do you feel, what I mean?

    Aniko (my eldest doughter) was telling me, what you´ve wrote about the names, but now I´ve read it by myself.
    First I want to say that I like this names and their meanings very much and they fit so perfect!
    And then I want to tell you about our family. With the birth of my youngest sister the start with unusual names was done. Kimiko, Toshiko, Aniko Alana, Joris, Lilith and so on
    On the other hand we have a strong connection with Scandinavia. My god-mother is from Austria, but she is living in Sweden since ~50 years. So this country was always special for us. Once we could visit her, since then we love it. So it´s precious that we have one more connection.
    It´s great to me, that our families obviously have connections too!
    Do you know, how you spell Ingela? For me it was important, that I use the names original. In my understanding of Scandinavia you say it like you write it with g not with tsch – but for sure it depends to you. Please let me know, that I use it like you do.
    When I was looking the video with the hair mesh, I must think about, that this is the only thing you can dress her. So how long do you need a day to choose???
    Have a good day!

  2. Sorry, but I disagree – there is NO worry like NICU worry (OR worry is close). Yes, there are other things to fret about on the other side in the real world, but it’s nothing like the real life-and-death of NICU…and – here is the huge difference – you have wayyyyyyy more control and say outside the NICU. There you are left to fall in love with someone who really isn’t your own – regardless of genetics a NICU baby is very much the property of the hospital. Once you’re out of there that kid is yours 100% and that has its own fears, but it’s just not the same. Please don’t picture the rest of your parenthood at high-octane worry!!! 🙂

    Sooooo happy things are back on track. Now take good care of yourselves!!!!!

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