References

When you start building your homestudy profile, you wade through everything from a map of your home’s fire/carbon monoxide detectors and escape routes to a full financial overview including pay stubs and life insurance details. In one area, you need a little help from your friends.

We tend to go back to some of our closest friends for reference letters, which means they’ve kindly done this once a year for three years in a row. Fortunately, they haven’t said no! The letters are sent directly to the homestudy agency, but a few have kindly forwarded copies, so we get a general idea of what’s being said about us. The first time we made this request, we were nervous. What if people thought we wouldn’t make good parents? Now, the reference letters have become one of the fun parts. It’s like getting a giant high five from your nearest and dearest!

So one of these came in this morning from our ‘uncle’ Doug, who I’ve known since birth. His take on our story had us shouting with laughter, so I had to share.

Dave and Maggey are engaged in a very loving, caring relationship. How they got to such a condition is interesting. Earlier, Maggey had married a fellow who turned out to be a “stinker”, someone who did not reciprocate the care and dedication she invested into the marriage…That’s when he turned into a “world class stinker” and the relationship had to end. It was complicated; they were living in Austria and she was compelled to come home. As with any in such a situation, this was a tough, self-examining time. Therefore, her focus was internal. But, then, there was this fellow from her past in Wisconsin who was entirely not satisfied with her courtship, marriage or life with Mr. Stinker…but who had not sufficiently or timely presented himself as an alternative. They began as friends casually meeting, then sharing, then re-learning the strengths of each other and, ultimately recognizing they were in love. And, that is how they remain. They have all sorts of people (friends, family, extended family, etc.) to whom they can turn to for support but, first and always, they turn to and rely on each other. This is a very connected couple. They are secure in their relationship and they guard it…a likely result from how hard, improbable it was to capture it in the first place. The instigator of most change comes from Maggey and she can be a driver. Due to Dave’s personality and the general condition of the 21st Century American male, he may defer…to a point…perhaps even an extended point. But, then there always that moment for reconsideration/reprioritization. We have observed or learned through conversation that such a moment typically arrives quietly and gently. It is received in the same manner and life goes on as adjusted. Their greatest strength is in each other and, it’s obvious.

Doug is obviously, to those who know us, quite astute and on the money. Our laughter stemmed from his wit and the fairy tale-esque retelling. We’ll treasure these words for years, and I honestly have tucked them away for days when we need a happy moment to reflect on. With people like this in your life, how can you go wrong?!