As part of our house clear out, I went through a huge box of old photos. As I started digging and sorting, I was thinking about Tess, Dave, family and how great our life is. Suddenly, I was looking at photos of life 5, 10, 20 years ago. So many great memories, and so much that’s changed since. People who’ve moved away, lost touch, lost their lives. People I’m still super close with, people I miss every day. Looking at how carelessly we moved through time. Pictures of Colin and Caela, my brother and sister, on our family trip to France – the laughter and play! Seeing Paris for the first time again through the photos I took. Pictures of people I remember thinking I would know forever, whose names I now can’t recall. I’m in my fourth decade. It’s not good or bad, I guess I’m just suddenly cognizant of how many years that is, and how many people and places have crossed paths in that time. Such certainty in the future; such unfounded and incorrect certainty.
Tess is so little, but she’s growing fast. Is this what it feels like as we go through life? Will I turn around and see a woman calling me mom? Will I picture this tiny child who loves to bury her milky face in my shirt? Will she freeze in time at a certain point in her development, at least in my memories? I remember my siblings at specific ages like they’re in front of me. It’s like a weird peephole into history. Is this what being a parent is; that feeling every day? Wow – the speeding up of time is speeding up. How do we catch our breath without missing something?
This freak out was followed by a lovely, quiet evening at home. The memories we build on days like this will last a lifetime – no matter how fast time goes. Still, it’s a good reminder not to take a day (or long weekend!) for granted. 🙂