Going back to work after the last baby

Sylvie is a dream baby – sweet, a good eater, social, sleeps all night, loves to snuggle. She’s curious and observant, and is already reaching for faces and toys. These last few weeks, I’ve watched her move from newborn to baby, and I can already picture her trying to eat legos, sitting up and laughing at her siblings, and covered in baby food. She’s growing up so fast!

But time flew by, and it’s time for me to go back to work. The people I work with are amazing, and made it possible for me to take this time with her. I’ve been so happy to see them the few times I popped in for a meeting or to pick something up! But going back makes it official, that the baby era is heaving its last gasp. And I get why people describe it as bittersweet. For us, we experience ridiculous joy at watching all of our kids together, and picturing who they’re all going to be as they get older. We love getting rid of stuff as Sylvie outgrows it. But at the same time, we loved bringing a new little person into our family. Knowing those moments are behind us feels kinda weird.

My 6am alarm hurt but I rolled out and did my workout. Tess and Remy knocked it out of the park this morning (after a super rough Monday night!), got ready for school on their own and did a great job with piano practice. My first day back went by quickly, but I suspect by Friday I’ll be fully re-engaged and knee-deep in planning and projects.

Afterwards, Sylvie greeted me at the door with a drooly smile while all of the others crowded around me, telling me about their days. It felt like our routine had never been interrupted, but I feel different. Friday is the last day of school, and then our real routine change happens.

Today should feel momentous and strange, but instead it felt familiar. Sylvie had a great day, and while I have the same worry that she won’t remember I’m her Maman come dinnertime, she grins at me the same way her siblings did at that age. I did miss her ridiculously, but I know I’m a better mom when I work. We will weave her into our week routine and suddenly she’ll be as old as Tess, chattering and bright eyed. Because that’s what happens when I go to sleep – these babies turn into kids.