Communicating fearlessly

As a singer, blogger, writer and mother, communicating is perhaps my core behavior – yet it also happens to be on auto pilot most of the time. Why does genuine feeling get so clouded in our consideration of the audience? Dave and I watched Amanda Palmer’s TED talk, and while she and I share little but a history as performers, I was astounded by the simplicity of her life philosophy. Communication should be simple, heartfelt, and potential anywhere and anytime. In fact, we can seek it out as we interact with the world on a daily basis. This struggle for direct connection with another person challenges me daily to be a present mom when I’m home from work – not just a harried, list-driven mom who does laundry rather than playing with her kids.

As I blog, my best posts stem from intense moments I bare to the world, damn the consequences. Yet sometimes the gut-twisting honesty I sit down to pen gets diluted as I contemplate how much of a story touches other people’s truths. I know what I am willing to share, but I hesitate to uncover other people’s private lives in a public forum, even anonymously in case they feel exposed. Many of those conversations inspire a reaction I consider worthy of sharing, but how to share the reaction without the sources evades me. I have the same concerns about how my choices and experiences affect others; especially our kids’ birth parents and our kids when they’re older.

I take Amanda Turner’s point as a challenge: to fearlessly communicate as much as possible, at home and online. Our ability to relate to each other requires openness, and if I seek that out in others I need to offer it as well.

As an added later of complication, we are beginning to communicate rules to Tess.

No, you may not play in Stella’s water bowl,

for example. Or

Don’t try to eat shoes! Ew!

Tess is stubborn (yes mom, I know I’m getting what I deserve.), and will continue to do something I’ve said no to while looking me dead in the eye. Suddenly, we’re scrambling for a strategy so we have a follow-through plan. How do you create consequences for someone who can’t understand your words? How on earth do you decide what is appropriate for doggie bowl splashing versus trying to steal Remy’s binkie? We’re really parenting now, and I feel ill-equipped. As we wade our way through this morass, we’ll see how successful and devious we can be. Parents, unite! A whole new form of communication is about to be mastered. (We hope.)

On another front, we just want to send hugs to our TWO birthmoms, who now both check in on the blog! We’re so excited K popped in for a visit. 🙂

2 thoughts on “Communicating fearlessly

  1. Trust me, Tess understands many of your words and certainly your tone of voice! Decide on your rules and always enforce consistently and repeatedly together. Consistency in discipline as unified parents has the greatest effect for the long term. Stay strong and communicate definite boundaries especially with a little girl I know, who is very smart and is looking for your weak boundaries. She will figure out the rules once she knows you REALLY mean what you say! Love sassy

  2. Gotta love this stage…. They KNOW right and wrong (sometimes), but choose wrong. Can’t do consequences (such as timeouts, etc) because they don’t understand that connection. If you figure it out, let me know! We’re at the same stage (Although there is nobody at home to steal paci’s from!)

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