We love sharing our stories with all of you, and tend to be storytellers in general. It’s a family malady. That said, it’s becoming slightly tricky to share adoption stories here. At three and four, the Bigs are starting to talk about it a bit. We’re having conversations that touch more deeply, and they can express feelings of missing people. And yet, if I share those stories, they’re out there forever in the world, attached to one of our children. Our family is big enough that in a few years I can say “one of the kids…”, but we’re not there yet.
So I generically want to say that we are getting a taste of what it’s going to be like to talk about four different adoptions with four different kids. In the same way that we parent each child in this family slightly differently based on their needs, we will talk about it each adoption differently too.
With some confidence, I predict that the kids will compare family relationships. Honestly, it’s like comparing apples to brussels sprouts. The challenge will be in making sure that each understands the uniqueness of the people who love them in the world, and that because of how our family came together all of those people love all of our people. That’s pretty profound to share with children who may at times be confused or struggle with what it means to be adopted.
So if what we share seems to miss those child insights for a while, be patient with us. They will come back! But beyond sharing what adoption is to us, we also need to make sure that what we’re sharing isn’t over sharing. Fortunately, it’s very easy to picture Tess as an annoyed teenager. This future gangly, well spoken, excitable teenager sits on my shoulder and informs which stories I may share. A little embarrassment caused by parents never hurt anyone, but we will be avoiding any hurt or embarrassment on a grander scale.